I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
