Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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