anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
