id be glad to
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
