you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize