remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
where does the pee come out of this thing
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize