Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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