:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I take back everything I said about communal showers
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
