i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I cockslap morals
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
