I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
