why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
