Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
