i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
