I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
