Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
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I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
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Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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