i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
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