So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
