For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
