Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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