fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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