Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
