if i can run in heels then i can drive
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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