Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize