Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
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I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
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Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
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