Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
