my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
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Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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