Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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