ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
