Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
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we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
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Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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