The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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