the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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