i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
