as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
