You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize