Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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