If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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