he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
