she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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