My brain says no but my pants say off.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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