Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
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I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
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I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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