I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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