Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Welp...herpes.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
