Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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