if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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