Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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