When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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