Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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