kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We just shotgunned beers for America
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Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
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So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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