i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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