I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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