Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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