I'm lost and stupid without you.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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