i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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