Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
