Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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