Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
