tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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