you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
