We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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