her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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