Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
