that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
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