Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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