I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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